Cock Obsession ~ a journal #1
This is based on the real lived experience of one of my subscribers. But I think there are a lot of men here who will be able to identify with him. Straight but in need of dick. How can that be?
This is based on the real lived experience of one of my subscribers. But I think there are a lot of men here who will be able to identify with him. Straight but in need of dick. How can that be?
I am a man. I am not gay. I do not find men attractive. I am far more likely to wank off to Victoria Beckham than David Beckham. I’m not even bisexual. I sometimes think I would even like a girlfriend again. Then why am I writing on here? “Wrong page, dummy!”
Thing is, I love cock. I love cock. I love cock so much. I want cock all the time. I think about cock all the time. I want to touch it, suck it, let it thrust inside me. I want to worship it, to love it, to make it feel good. I want to make cocks cum.
I don’t care who they are attached to. I don’t care about the men. I just want their cock.
Does that make me weird?
Does that make me perverse beyond all measure?
There is being straight.
There is being gay.
Their is being both.
And there is me.
Me, playing at being gay.
Never having a ‘date’ with a guy, just a hook up. Never kissing them and loving them and touching them with foreplay or even letting them do anything for me. No, it is “Where do you want to put your cock? Do you want me to suck you off, or shall I bend over for you? I’m ok with just wanking you off if that’s all you need. No, you don’t need to do anything for me. I’m, I’m, I’m…”
What am I? A sissy? I looked it up on AI: Sissy
“Adult Kink & Fetish: Within certain BDSM or cuckold subcultures, it refers to a submissive male who cross-dresses and undergoes “sissification” or forced feminization.”
I don’t need to wear a dress to suck someone off. I just want their cock.
The more general term was this:
“Sissy” is primarily an informal, derogatory term for an effeminate, weak, or cowardly boy or man. Derived from the word “sister”, it is used to suggest that a male lacks masculine traits or displays timidity”
I’m not weak, I’m a Scottish man, what Scottish men are weak? Although none as tough as the women! And cowardly? You think it’s easy to meet random men in quiet dingy areas of a city and get down on your knees in the grass or the broken glass and suck on some stranger’s dick? You don’t know what they’ll taste like, how they’ll treat you. You can’t be sure you’re even going to survive. That takes bravery.
And so many gay men I’ve met are as masculine as they get. No, I’m not sure sissy really works.
But that’s not quite true either, because it is, after all, meant as an insult. An insult reappropriated in the main, but still one I use against myself.
I am a sissy fuck toy.
I am gay as fuck.
I am a faggot boy.
These are the things that go through my mind as I look down the length of a beautiful shaft and just before I put it in my mouth and suck and suck and suck, all the while hoping to please this cock more than it has ever been pleased before. In that, perhaps sissification would work. I am jealous of women, many of whom could have nothing but cock all day if they wanted it.
And do I get off to it?
Do I even wank myself off to the memory?
This is where I feel most complicated. I put my little dick into a cage before I go to find a man. No, sorry, to find a penis. And I don’t let them touch me. I am there to please them, not the other way around. I don’t go home and do it to myself. I might go home and look at pictures of my favourite erotic writer and her crazy, coloured hair. I will cum thinking about being with her.
But it is not women I have sex with now. And maybe I don’t have sex at all.
Maybe I am just a servant to the thing I love more than anything in the world, the thing that hangs between a man’s legs.
How can anyone not love cock?
I have said too much, and yet you are probably as confused as ever. I want to tell you more, to recount my first time, my last time, all the times in between. I want to tell you what a slut I am for men, how my dream is to be fucked by dozens of men all night until I fall into oblivion. Then make love to a beautiful woman? Who would have me? Would watching that turn some women on enough to fuck me?
Or am I fooling myself, and all I really need is the men and then to sleep and then to let them all do it all again.
I want to be a set of holes.
But for now, I just wanted to introduce myself, to try and help people understand my fetish, my way of life. Or to have someone explain it to me, because I am so confused. And yet when a dick is deep in my ass, and I feel a man heave and unload inside me, I have no questions at all, I am what I am meant to be, whatever that is…
Come September, I will be writing a lot more for my newest page (it’s NotErotic that I’m writing for at the moment, desperately trying to catch up with my studies), but there are a dozen stories there already, some of which are only up there. Like the second part of this…
